Introduction

If you are interested in a Walt Disney World vacation, there are literally hundreds of books and web sites that can help you pick a hotel, plan an itinerary, and fine-tune every aspect of your magical experience. Most people assume that with all of those resources available, the needs of every possible type of Disney visitor type must be considered in at least one of them. If you’re reading this book, then you know that is not the case.

In 2013, a friend of the author was considering a summer vacation at Disney but couldn’t find the answers to some questions that weighed heavily on his mind. Would he be able to bring his coffin? Would he be safe in his room from deadly sunlight? Was there any consecrated ground he’d have to avoid? This guide is intended to provide the answers to questions from our friend and others with exceptionally special needs that are overlooked by travel guides that cater purely to a human audience.

There are so many quality resources already in existence that we see no need to duplicate their content, so this guide does not include information that is freely available elsewhere (descriptions of ticket options, restaurant reviews, touring plans, hotel overviews, etc.). It also does not contain information on non-Disney properties, and has only limited information on seasonal and frequently changing performances. Finally, with few exceptions, this guide contains no advice or information regarding activities (such as feeding on humans) that are considered illegal, regardless of the arguable moral justification.

So, who specifically is this book for?

Walt Disney World for Vampires was written for creatures, supernaturals, and non-standard humans that want to spend time at Disney World. Although we tried to be as inclusive as possible, there are three large groups that we do not address:

• Non-sentient creatures, including chimeras, tornado sharks, wills o’ the wisp, sandworms, killer tomatoes, etc. Because these creatures are unable to make decisions based on the contents of a book, we didn’t bother writing anything for them.
• Individuals of extreme size, including sea monsters, Kaiju, Old Ones, things seen as shapes in the clouds, and many giants. The only way for massive persons to visit a resort without potentially destroying it is through the use of shrinking spells or technology; and if the person is shrunk, they aren’t of extreme size anymore.
• Those with unusual occupations, including pirates, mad scientists, monster hunters, ghostbusters, bagpipe players, etc. Even though one’s occupation might carry with it certain interests, proclivities, and philosophical implications, at heart a human ninja is still a human and a vampire lawyer is still a vampire. We did include human time travelers, wizards, alchemists, and a few others because their needs are particularly unusual and their activities set them strongly apart from others of their species.

With a general word of thanks for the previous edition of this book, Barnabas Collins, from Collinsport, Maine, writes:

I thank you for recognizing that a vampire’s life is more than just drinking blood, seeing to the destruction of our enemies, and constantly attempting to hold at bay the hatred and fury swirling within. If it is my curse that everyone I love will die, doesn’t that assume my ability to love? And if I love, why wouldn’t I want to vacation with one I love?

Those who hate the living dead seek to destroy us, condemn us to wander forever in endless agony, or confine us to creepy old crypts all over the world, but we will find pleasure despite them, and I trust the joy of a Disney vacation will last longer than will the lives of my enemies.

After reading the general information at the front of this book, you can turn to those sections that apply to you personally. Keep in mind that there may be multiple sections that apply to you. For example, terminators will want to add both the “Robots and Androids” and “Time Travelers” sections to their database.

Notes on Vocabulary

Although we attempt to use the politically correct terms “creatures” (for reanimated and non-humans), “supernaturals” (for beings with abilities that defy the supposed laws of nature), “humans” (for non-supernatural, standard human beings), and “specials” (for all sentient non-humans as a group), we aren’t particularly rigorous about it. These terms fall in and out of favor and we are terrible at keeping up with the latest sociopolitical trends. Sorry about that.

Now that we’ve annoyed the political activists, we might as well make a clean sweep of it by irritating the diehard Disney fans as well: To avoid what can easily become an overwhelming amount of repetition, we aren’t going to be pedantic about Disney-specific terms.

For example:

• We generally will call the Walt Disney World Resort just Disney World to keep things short.
• We refer to both FASTPASS and FASTPASS+ as FastPass. All caps are for YELLING!
• The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Undersea Adventure, Toy Story Mania, and Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin are generally just Little Mermaid, Toy Story, and Buzz Lightyear to us. We assume everyone knows what we’re talking about.
• We may use other shortened names when the intent is clear, such as Big Thunder instead of Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and Star Tours instead of Star Tours—The Adventures Continue. To us, the Tomorrowland Transit Authority PeopleMover is just the PeopleMover because, seriously, life is too short.
• The same is true for the parks: Disney’s Animal Kingdom is Animal Kingdom, Disney’s Hollywood Studios is Hollywood Studios.
• We go ahead and use the Disney-standard capitalization and punctuation for “it’s a small world” because we think it’s cute.

Finally, a word about a word: “etcetera.” We want to avoid having to type it everywhere and need you to help us have a meaningful guide without it. Very frequently we list examples to help clarify something. As these example lists are not to be considered exhaustive, we ask that you imagine that the word “etcetera” appears at the end of each example list. For example, if we said, “This attraction is not appropriate for creatures hungry for human flesh (ghouls, flesh-eating zombies, carnivorous plants),” we don’t mean to imply that there are not others who would enjoy a little human-based sustenance, and we aren’t intending to subtly insult brain suckers, psychic vampires, bore worms, and the like by not including them in the list.

Where Is that Ride?

Between the theme parks, hotels, water parks, golf courses, and Disney Springs, there are quite a few attractions, shops, and restaurants in the Disney World. In this guide, we will be mentioning quite a few of them, but we will not be giving locations along with mentions (by, for example, always saying “The Haunted Mansion in the Magic Kingdom”). This would get tedious very quickly, and we assume that most readers will either know where in Disney World these places are from their reading of other tour guides or can easily find that information online.

About “The M-Word”

There was significant concern in the community when Pixar’s Monsters, Inc. was announced that Disney was making high-profile use of a term which is upsetting to many creatures. Fortunately, Disney has restricted the use of the M-word to references to characters from that movie, all of which are of such a fantastic (in the best sense of the word) nature that few in the community find them more than perhaps a little annoying.

Note that this rather rarefied attitude is particular to Disney and cannot be taken for granted throughout the theme park industry. If you are a jigsaw of human remains sewn together by hand and reanimated by raw energy and forbidden science, Universal Studios might call you a m------, but at Disney World you will always be a guest.

In our experience, Monsters, Inc. is about as offensive to creatures as Mickey Mouse is to humans, so we will refer to them as Disney does when discussing Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor, monsters, and various parades and other entertainments that include the film’s characters.

The Mistress of the Dark from Hollywood, California, writes:

I’m as familiar as anyone with the problem of “monster” stereotypes. If you really want to turn the creature ignorance up to eleven, visit Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater Restaurant. The place has an endless loop of film playing constantly on its faux drive-in-theater screen that runs the gamut of offensive stereotypes. If you want to know anything about real monsters, this place is a bust (and I would know!).